What to Say to Someone Who Is in the Hospital

Being in the hospital is a particular experience of vulnerability — you're in an institutional environment that isn't your own, wearing a gown, dependent on strangers for basic things, waiting a lot, sometimes scared, sometimes bored, often both. The people who matter to you are somewhere else living their normal lives, and contact with them is one of the few things that reminds you that your own normal life still exists and will resume.

What you say matters less than the fact that you reached out. But some things land better than others.

Reach out sooner rather than later

People sometimes wait until they know more about how things are going before reaching out, which means the person in the hospital hears nothing from them during the period when contact would mean the most. You don't need to know the full situation to say something. "I heard you're in the hospital and I wanted you to know I'm thinking about you" is a complete message. It can go out the day you hear.

What to say

"I'm thinking about you. How are you doing?" is simple and opens the door for them to say as much or as little as they want. If you know what they're in for, you can be more specific: "I know this week has been a lot. How are you holding up?" Specificity tells them you actually know what's going on rather than sending a generic get-well message.

If you're close to the person, tell them you love them. People in hospitals need to hear it more than people think. It's one of the things that cuts through the institutional strangeness of being in a medical setting and reminds them of who they are outside of it.

Offer something specific

If they're allowed and up for visitors, offer to come. If visits aren't possible or welcome, offer something else: picking up whatever they need from home, handling something for them while they're in, being available for a call when they want company. Make the offer specific so it's easy to say yes to.

Hospital stays often involve a lot of waiting and boredom between the moments of intensity. A funny video, a good book recommendation, a message that has nothing to do with the hospital — these small normal things can be surprisingly welcome in an environment that's very not-normal.

After they're discharged

Recovery at home after a hospital stay can be isolating in its own way. The immediate crisis has passed, the acute concern of the people around them has eased, and yet the person is often still not fully themselves. Check in after discharge. Ask how recovery is going. The support that carries through the recovery period, not just the hospitalization itself, is what people remember.