What to Say When a Work Relationship Has Become Uncomfortable

Workplace relationships that have become uncomfortable are their own specific difficulty, because you can't simply opt out. You still have to show up, still have to work together, still have to navigate the meetings and the emails and the shared projects while also managing whatever awkwardness has settled between you. The discomfort becomes the wallpaper of your workday, and most people just endure it rather than address it.

Addressing it is almost always better, even though it requires a conversation you'd rather not have.

Name it without making it large

The mistake most people make when addressing workplace awkwardness is either ignoring it until it becomes unavoidable or making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be. There's a middle register: calm, direct, low-drama. "I feel like things have been a bit awkward between us and I wanted to clear the air" is that register. It names the thing without catastrophizing it or demanding a full accounting of what went wrong.

That opening invites the other person into a conversation rather than a confrontation. It suggests that you'd like to return to a functional working relationship, not that you're building a case against them.

Be honest about your part if there is one

If the awkwardness has roots in something you said or did, acknowledge it. "I think some of this might be because of how I handled X, and I want to address that." Taking responsibility for your part — even partially — changes the dynamics of the conversation. It signals that you're not approaching this as an adversary, which makes it easier for the other person to do the same.

Focus on the working relationship

You don't need to become close friends with this person. You need to be able to work together without the constant friction of unresolved awkwardness. Keep the conversation focused on that practical goal. "I want us to be able to work together without this hanging over everything" is a reasonable and achievable objective. The personal dimension of the relationship, whatever it is, is secondary.

Sometimes the conversation produces a real resolution. Sometimes it produces enough of a reset that the awkwardness becomes manageable even if it's not fully resolved. Either outcome is better than the low-grade discomfort of an uncomfortable work relationship you've decided to simply endure.

Most people spend more waking hours at work than almost anywhere else. Addressing what's making it uncomfortable is a reasonable investment in a large portion of your daily life.